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Last week we started talking about the responsibility of parents to train (teach, instruct, & discipline) their children regarding morals, integrity, right/wrong, and most importantly about what it means to live for and serve God. I said I would give some simple ideas to help you effectively train your children. So I'll focus on birth to 12 years old today.
- Training starts at birth: Your children are born without habits. So everything they learn starts with you. As a parent, grandparent, or caregiver consider your habits. Whatever behaviors or attitudes you model in front of a child, good or bad, will become the norm for them.
- Discipline must be intentional: With both my kids, there was a time between age 1 & 2 where we began instituting intentional discipline. It was around the time when the kids started walking and could touch everything. There comes a moment, and you will know when this is, when you your child reaches for the T.V. power button and you say "no", they look at you and inch closer and touch it anyway. You just reached the discipline moment. Why do we start young? Is it easier to teach a child the meaning of the word no when they have no habits, or at age 7 when they've already learned that your "no" doesn't really mean no? The question people often battle over is "to spank or not to spank." Notice I didn't say "beat", there is a big difference. We've always used a combination of verbal warning, spanking, & time outs. Use what works, be fair, be consistent, and follow through with your communicated discipline plan. Discipline won't happen by accident.
- Gratitude & Respect: It's so important for children to learn to be grateful and respectful at an early age. With regard to gratitude the simple things make a huge difference. Teach your child to say thank you and please. Most of our teaching here is wrong. We tell kids to say it, but we don't explain why. So what we end up teaching them is say these words and you'll get what you want. Gratitude is more than thank you and please. Tell them why they say thank you; explain that they are blessed. Respect is another key area of training. I was in a setting recently where a child under the age of 5 was allowed to speak completely disrespectfully to an adult. I could not believe the way the child acted. Tricia and I have always trained our children to be respectful to us, each other, other children, and to adults. If we are in their presence and they act disrespectfully toward someone, we take immediate action to appropriately correct the behavior. Disrespect is unacceptable at any age. And if we don't teach that early, it only get harder later on in the teenage years.
These are just 3 very practical but very important steps you can take with your younger child. When Tricia and I brought Jonathan home for the first time we looked back at back at him in the back seat and said to each other, "I can't believe they are letting us take him home. Don't they know we don't have a clue what we are doing? Where's the manual?" Well there isn't a manual, but there are some great resources available. Check the local Christian bookstore for more resources to improve your parenting skills.
Next week I will give you some practical advice about how to train up your teenage students.
Have a GREAT week!!!
I have always enjoyed being around kids. Now that mine are getting a little older (11 & 7) I can now enjoy holding people's babies and then hand them back when they create a stinky present. Before coming to Green Bay I spent eleven and a half years in ministry to students under the age of 18. Those years involved some great joys and also some amazing challenges. Raising children of any age can be tough. But as culture changes, so do the challenges that parents face in ensuring their child is raised with a healthy set of moral and spiritual boundaries.
In Proverbs 22:6 it says, " Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." This verse is one those we refer to as "a command, followed by a promise". With varying adult roles in the life of a child this command could be directed at the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles; but at the core it's the parents. We are responsible for training our children and setting the example for their lives. We can each think of a child (regardless of age) whose behavior or actions where outrageous or out of control. Anytime we see that, they are either mimicking the behavior modeled before them or their behavior is a representation of how they are allowed to behave on a regular basis. I'm no child psychologist, but some things are common sense. If your child pitches a fit because they want something, and you give it to them to stop the fit; you have just trained them that they will get what they want when they pitch a fit. If you set rules for your teenage student, they break them, and you do nothing, you've just undermined your own authority and they will no longer respect you. What's worse is when you threaten consequences, but don't follow through. That is negative training. If we don't like the behavior or actions of our children the first place we need to bring correction is to ourselves. Because most of the time, they are behaving in the ways we've allowed them to.
It is OUR responsibility to train our children. Not the school system, not Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts, not even the church or it's programs. We have to take personal responsibility to do that. It must be intentional and it must be constant.
Next week I will give you some simple ideas of how to effectively train your kids. Maybe you don't have kids, well the percentages are high that you will; so learn this now. Maybe yours are grown and out of the home. Well, you are actually still responsible for pointing your children in the right direction. I still consult my parents in major life decisions and their advice and wisdom is very important to me.
If you have kids at home, evaluate who they are becoming; behavior, attitudes, habits, self-control, discipline problems, etc. Then evaluate how your training methods are either contributing positively or negatively.
Have a great week!
You've heard the saying before. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!" We learned that pretty early in our life, didn't we. And at least half of that phrase is true because sticks and stones are proven bone breakers. But that part about the words.......let's be honest, words can hurt a lot. More than likely you still deal with the effects of words that were spoken to you in the past from various sources; parents, other kids, teachers, ex-spouse, coworker, etc. Those words hurt and if allowed they still can affect our lives.
One of the things I've learned about words is that words are very powerful. They can build up or they can destroy. It was a great lesson I've learned and continue to learn as a parent. Proverbs 18:21 says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." Individually each of us hold the power to encourage, uplift and empower someone. But we also hold the power to discourage, tear down, and destroy someone. I think we would all be wise to consider the words coming out of our mouth since they can have such an impact on others.
But maybe an even bigger issue is the impact our spoken words have on us. In the course of a day, we usually don't need the words of someone else to tear us down, we do a great job of tearing down ourselves, our families, and our situations with the words we speak. In the New Testament, James tells us that our tongues are like the rudder on a ship; our words will steer or direct our lives to potentially positive or negative destinations (James 3:4-5). When we speak negative words over our lives, we steer ourselves toward negative results. If you get up and say, "This is going to be a bad day", guess what, you are going to have a bad day!!! But even if the circumstances of the day didn't change but your words did, you would end up steering your life toward a positive result. I'm not talking about positive confession. That would be described as being diagnosed with cancer and saying, "I don't have cancer...I don't have cancer." YES YOU DO!!!! But as bad as that is, you don't have to live your days in gloom and despair. It's proven that people with positive attitudes tend to recover from life threatening illness's faster and at a higher rate.
Maybe you don't have cancer, but the words you speak over your finances matter today. Try something this week. Intentionally try not to complain, pick out fault, speak negatively, have a negative attitude. If you're not careful you will find you make more friends, hate life less, and overall become a person other people actually want to be around! Try it and see what happens!
Send me an email and let me know how it works for you!!!!!
Philippians 4:8 Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
These steps are in order of importance and all are necessary.
1. Verbally commit your week to God.
- "God, I give you this week. My time is your time. My life is your life. Replace my plans with your plans. Tell me what to do and I will do it!"
2. Talk to God.
- Prayer isn't solely defined as one hour of designated time on your knees. Prayer is simply talking to God. You can do it in the shower and in the yard; not just before meals. Start by talking to God for 5 minutes, 3 times per day (morning drive, mid-day, drive home).
3. Read the Directions.
- Psalm 119:105 "By your words I can see where I'm going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path. (Message)" Stop praying for answers to questions that God has already answered in the Bible. He is waiting for you to open it up; the answer is waiting. A great place to start is by reading one chapter every day from the New Testament. Read the first 4 books over and over again. There's a lot to learn from Jesus life!
4. Set your Priorities.
- Evaluate your schedule, plans, activities and commitments. Do all these things line up with what you are reading in the Bible? If not, reset your priorities. Less really is more!
5. Service as a Priority.
- The reason why we set priorities is to make sure we don't neglect what GOD says is important. God gives us 168 hours per week. Commit 2-5 hours per week to serving God in some form of organized ministry where you use your unique, God-given gift. The church is a great place to start.
6. Speak Positive Words.
- Proverbs 18:21 "The tongue has the power of life and death... (NIV)" Your words matter; EVERY word! Your can either speak positive words of blessing over your life, or you can speak negative words of curse over your life. The world needs to see and hear Christians in a positive light. Your week will change, for the better, every time you choose to speak positive words.
7. Tell Your Story.
- Intentionally tell someone what God is/has done in your life. Look for opportunities to show God's love to others through your actions. Notice I didn't use the scary word "witness". I'm simply encouraging you to set as one of your weekly priorities the goal of verbally sharing God's love.
Disclaimer:
You may be thinking, "This is all stuff I already know." I'm glad you know; now start doing. And please whatever you do, if you aren't actively doing these things on a weekly basis, PLEASE DON'T tell people you are a Christian. You may think that sounds harsh, but it's time we stop claiming to be something when our actions don't give testimony of the claim. May I encourage you to stop being just a hearer of the Word, and become a doer of the Word.
Have a great week!
