Excited & Anxious

Yesterday I shared that Tricia and I will be taking the next 30 days as a time of sabbatical; fasting, prayer, healing, refreshing, and renewal. It's something I am both excited and anxious about at the same time. It's exciting because I know it's an act of obedience and anxious because there is now way to know all that God is going to do. But when you really think about it, many of the great things in life bring these same emotions. Think of Christmas morning when kids are so excited to open those presents but partnered with it are those anxious feelings of not knowing what inside those wrapped boxes.

I don't know what's in the spiritual boxes God's placed in front of us, but I am excited. And I know my anxiety will subside as well because I know my God only gives good gifts. The spiritual refreshing, direction, and blessing that is to come will be better than I could ever imagine. It's all part of the spiritual journey everyone of us travel in our walk with God.

Embrace the journey! Over the next 30-days fast a few meals per week, spend more time talking with God in prayer, and open up the Bible and see what it has to say. Try reading the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) over the next 30-days. Just 3 chapters per day and you will get a full picture of Jesus life and example for each of us and read through all 4 books of the Bible.

Tricia and I appreciate your support and prayers during this season of refreshing. We love pastoring the Central family and we look forward to the explosion of God's favor and blessing that is to come.

Have a great week!

Independence Day

On Sunday, we will celebrate the birthday of our country with July 4th celebrations all over the country. 234 years ago our founding fathers signed their names to the Declaration of Independence, the written edict declaring to Britain our decision to break free from tyranny in pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness. Those same founding fathers understood that life, liberty, and happiness wasn't something to be found in ourselves, but in the Creator who holds each of those things in His hands.

In 2010, have you truly achieved life, liberty, and happiness? If we evaluate the human condition in America, I believe most people have traded life for a living, liberty for cultural slavery, and happiness for temporary stuff. It's a clear sign that we've not only chosen independence from Britain but from God. Even though we achieved freedom from tyranny in 1776, I'm not so sure we are any more free today. We strain for freedom but true freedom is only found in the Creator. Galatians 5:1 says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (NIV) The principles of this verse are clear.

1) Only Christ can set us free.
2) Once free, he intends for us to stay free!
3) No matter what, DON'T GO BACK TO SLAVERY!

What is still enslaving you? Fear? Failure? Past Hurts? Whatever it may be, make today your spiritual Independence Day! Christ has already done everything needed for you to have freedom. Ask him for it, receive it, walk in it, and never go back to slavery!!!

Have a great week!

Letting Go

I've really enjoyed the past 5 weeks and our parenting series "Every Kid Needs...." Parenting is the most exciting, fulfilling, and difficult job a person will ever do. But It's also a tremendous blessing when done well. I encourage every parent to continue to work on your parenting skills and seek out resources to will equip you better. It's a job I want to be successful at; I encourage you to do your best as well. One book I read while preparing this series of messages was "Kid CEO" by Ed Young. This proved to be a great resource and I encourage parents to give it a read. As always, if you want to listen to one or all of the messages in this series again, just go to www.centralassembly.net and you can listen for free. Below is the beginning to a series of articles by Dr. James Dobson about how to release your teenage kids into adulthood. Click HERE for more articles on this topic. Have a GREAT week!!!

The most common mistake made by parents of older teenagers (16 to 19 years of age) is refusing to grant them the independence and maturity they require. Our inclination as loving guardians is to hold our kids too tightly, despite their attempts to squirm free. We try to make all their decisions, keep them snugly beneath our wings, and prevent even the possibility of failure.

And in so doing, we force our young adults into one of two destructive patterns: Either they passively accept our over protection and remain dependent "children" into adult life or they rise up in great wrath to reject our bondage and interference. They lose on both counts. On the one hand they become emotional cripples who are incapable of independent thought, and on the other they grow into angry, guilt-ridden adults who have severed ties with the family they need. Indeed, parents who refuse to grant appropriate independence to their older adolescents are courting disaster not only for their children but also for themselves.

Click HERE for more articles on this topic.

This material is excerpted from Dr. Dobson's book The New Strong-Willed Child (copyright © 1978, 2004 by James Dobson, Inc.), published by Tyndale House Publishers, and is used by permission.

Family Time

I hope you enjoy this article about how to create some intentional and creative family time. If you would like to read some other articles related to developing family time, click HERE. Have a great week!

My wife, Cathy, and I stared at each other in disbelief as our oldest daughter, Christy, told us she was running away. When she started packing her suitcase, we knew she was serious. Cathy and I weren't sure if we should laugh or cry — after all, Christy was only 6.

Our daughter told us she was moving to Julia's house across the street because her mommy and daddy were nicer. My wife called Julia's mother to tell her what was taking place and that Christy was on her way over. Then, we stood on our sidewalk and watched our little girl carry her suitcase and favorite doll across the street where Julia's mother waited outside the door to greet her.

A few hours later, Julia's mom reminded Christy it was Monday night and that our family always went to the Golden Spoon for frozen yogurt after dinner. It was a tradition my three girls looked forward to — including Christy. To our delight, she called and asked if she could go. It was a joyous reunion!

The weekly yogurt run was part of our family identity — part of what made us who we were. Even the neighbors knew our routine and sometimes shouted to-go orders as we pulled out of our driveway. Our three daughters are now grown, but when our family gets together, we still make trips to the Golden Spoon. It's one of those simple traditions that have kept our family bonds strong.

Not surprisingly, a strong family identity also helps children develop a strong and healthy self-identity. Knowing what makes their family unique — traditions, values, ways of relating to one another — gives children a clear starting point for discovering their own place in the world. Studies even show that kids who identify with their family's values tend to be less promiscuous and face less risk of drug and alcohol abuse.

Perhaps you're wondering, How can we build a strong family identity? Here are three principles to get you started.

Your presence matters. Children regard your presence as a sign of care and connectedness. Families who eat meals together, play together and build traditions together thrive. Does your family eat together at least four times a week? If so, there is a greater chance your kids will perform better in school and be less likely to exhibit negative behavior.

Although it may seem trite, a family that plays together, stays together. I'm not talking about just cheering on your kids at soccer games or dance recitals but actually playing together. One family I know has a pingpong tournament each week. The winner doesn't have to do the dishes for a day. Our family had a Fun Day once a month. One of the girls picked an activity, and the rest of the family participated.

Celebrate everything. Don't miss a single chance to celebrate your family. You can celebrate rites of passage and other events such as Little League victories and graduations — from any grade

On birthdays, we go out to dinner then play a game called Affirmation Bombardment, in which each family member shares three words of encouragement for the birthday person.

Talk about faith. Spiritual topics don't always come naturally for families. Discussions about God, however, can help build family identity. They also help kids have strong convictions as they get older.

Maybe you have some anxiety about starting a faith conversation with your children. Remember, your talk doesn't have to be forced or lengthy; it can be simple, short and spontaneous. Let the discussion be as natural as possible. Getting preachy with your children can be just as unhelpful as avoiding the topic of faith.

One way to create opportunities to share your faith with your kids is to pray with them every day and do a weekly family devotional, even if only for five minutes. When your children are exposed to God's truth in small amounts, it can, as a friend of mine says, "help them develop a sweet tooth for Jesus."

Jesus said, "Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock" (Matthew 7:24-25).

This truth applies to families. At some point, storms will come to every family. But when you proactively build a strong family identity on the rock of Christ, your family can withstand whatever winds and rains come your way. A strong family identity will give your kids a solid foundation to cling to during those difficult times.

This article first appeared in the Parents Edition of the February, 2008 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2008 Jim Burns. All rights reserved.

Creative Discipline Ideas

Disciplining our children is one of the hardest things to do, and more importantly; do well! The following is an opening piece to an article written by Lisa Whelchel. Lisa is the author of the book Creative Discipline. Enjoy this opening article and click here to find more helpful discipline tips. Have a GREAT week!

As you well know, the parenting adventure is different with each child — and it's vital to recognize and adapt to your children's various temperaments, strengths, and weaknesses. Think of yourself as a sculptor shaping and molding the lives of your young ones. With each child, you may be working with a different medium. You could be endeavoring to form one youngster who appears to be as hard as marble. As an artist, you might use a chisel, hammers, even water, while sculpting your masterpiece. You may have another child who is more pliable, like clay. Even then, as a potter, you might use fire, a knife, and your bare hands.

It doesn't matter what substance you're working with, be it wood, ice, bronze, wax, sand, steel, or foam. Each raw material requires a distinct combination of tools to strike the balance between respecting its uniqueness and steadfastly pursuing the potential beauty within.

In the following articles, I will present different tools and creative ways to use them as we allow the Lord to work through us, shaping our children in His image (see Colossians 3:10). You'll see, there's no reason discipline has to be boring!

Experiment. If one idea doesn't work, try something else and come at it from another direction. But don't dismiss a failed method altogether; it may work on another child or at another stage of childhood. Believe me, your departure from the ordinary ways of correction will keep your kids on their toes, wondering what you'll next pull out of your bag of tricks. The road is long, but it doesn't have to be dull.

Click HERE to read more from Lisa Whelchel on Creative Discipline Ideas.

Cultural Influences

Link to the entire article....

When my children were toddlers, I installed childproof latches on all the cabinets and drawers within their grasp to keep them from ingesting dangerous substances. During the grade school years, I zealously guarded the shows they watched to make sure they didn't pollute their young minds.

When my girls reached their teen years, I realized that health and intellect weren't the only areas that needed protection. Spiritual dangers lurked in humanistic curricula, dehumanizing music and peer pressure. But how could I create a safe environment that encouraged rather than undermined their spiritual growth?

None of my daughters seemed interested in joining a convent, so I began asking the Lord for wisdom. He reminded me that where sin abounds, grace abounds even more (Romans 5:20). And He taught me that knowledge is a powerful weapon in spiritual realms.

Know your kids

Play with them, and pray with them. By careful observation, you can discern their spiritual gifts and subtle character flaws. Are they leaders or followers? Confident or insecure? This knowledge is essential as you determine what environments and relationships are helpful — or harmful — to their spiritual growth. Every child is different, and what's helpful for one is not necessarily the best for another.

For example, my youngest daughter wrestled with peer pressure when she was in high school. Candyce loved Jesus but made bad choices when peer pressure was too great. Her dad and I had to monitor her choices carefully.

Her older sister Danielle, on the other hand, never wavered in her faith — or her actions — when pressured by friends. Her beliefs were tested in the classroom. Knowing this, I made sure we had lots of discussions about issues that confused her. Her dad and I were able to be sounding boards as she learned to sift through truth and error.

Know their hangouts

Where do your kids spend the majority of their time? At school? The mall? Sports practice? Youth group activities? How familiar are you with their stomping grounds?

When my girls were in junior high and high school, they decided to start a Christian punk rock band. When they actually began booking shows, I was a little concerned about the venues — not to mention the clientele who would attend their concerts. So I went undercover and became their manager. I learned a lot about my daughters, their friends and the alternative music culture, which helped me to make informed decisions about concerts and parties they wanted to attend.

Here's an important safety tip: Just because a place — be it a school, concert, coffee house — has the adjective Christian somewhere in its name, that doesn't mean it's going to benefit your child's faith. My oldest daughter, Lindsay, attended a respected Christian high school and graduated with honors. She recently told me, however, that she found it more faith-numbing than faith-inspiring. Sure, some of the students were walking out their relationships with Christ, but in Lindsay's opinion, the majority of her peers had learned the fine art of schmoozing. They lived double lives and invited her to do the same.

There are no hard rules by which to measure the spiritual influence of any given place. Lindsay now works in the secular music industry. That spiritual environment is sketchy at best, but I've seen Lindsay's faith grow as she's been constantly challenged. Most days, she shines like a star "in a crooked and depraved generation" (Philippians 2:15). She's figuring out how to keep the faith in a godless arena.

The only foolproof way to know if an environment is going to be a help or hazard is to check it out yourself. Watch how your kids respond to the pressures around them. Volunteer at school and get to know their teachers and coaches. Help with the youth group or take your kids to see their favorite band in concert.

Know their friends

As Eddie Haskell so humorously illustrated in the "Leave It to Beaver" series, sometimes the veneer of respectability can overlay the heart of a rascal. Short of hiring a private detective to tail our kids' buddies, how do we know what kind of effect they have on our children?

"Since I spend a lot of time driving my younger teens and their friends to various events, I use that car time as a way to get to know their friends," says Jill, a mother of three sons. "I try to ask questions about their families and interests. You can learn a lot about a kid's character if you are paying attention."

Parents can also get a clue about their children's friends by regularly reading comments on their blogs and MySpace accounts. Don't hesitate to check out their friends' profiles. You might feel as though you are eavesdropping, but the reality is that unless MySpace profiles are set to private, all that information is for public display.

Create an open atmosphere in your home, making it a safe haven for your kids and their friends. Encourage honest, lively discussions where young minds can express themselves without the fear of being judged. Our girls — and their friends — have learned that even if we don't agree on every issue, we will treat them with respect. Faith is built when there's freedom to speak frankly and wrestle with tough subjects — even if it makes us wince.

When it comes to assessing the spiritual impact of any environment on our kids, knowledge is power. Know your children, know their hangouts and know their friends. Empowered by this knowledge, you can help your kids keep the faith. And maybe you'll even keep your sanity.

This article first appeared in the October, 2007 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2007 Shawn Alyne Strannigan. All rights reserved.

Parenting: Character Development

For the month of May I want to use SoulFood to resource parents with more ideas and input about what "Every Kid Needs...." I will share resources not original to me but great nonetheless. This week enjoy an article from
Focus On The Family about how to help your kids develop character. Enjoy!

Do you remember Pinocchio, the little wooden boy carved from a piece of pine by the woodcarver, Geppetto? Even though Pinocchio dream of becoming a real boy, there was very little real about him – except that he had a nasty habit of lying. Whenever he lied, his nose grew. If he told a whopper, it grew very long, while a little white lie caused only a little growth.

According to Dr. Chuck Borsellino, the author of Pinocchio Parenting, many adults suffer from Pinocchio's problem. No, they're not blatant liars, and their noses don't grow, but they use false clichés to teach their kids, which can be problematic.

Before you think you couldn't possibly be a "Pinocchio Parent," check out these four common lies that adults tell their children. While people may repeat these untruths at any time, I've broken them down by ages and stages for extra insight.

Early Stages (0-3)

"Yes, Honey, there is a Santa Claus."

During the Christmas holidays, tiny tots all over the United States gather in shopping malls to sit on Santa's lap. Soon, with a little coaching from Mom and Dad, our littlest citizens believe in the magic man in the red hat and long, white flowing beard.

You might be thinking, OK, wait a minute! What's wrong with Santa? He is part of the magic of Christmas. Granted, many people agree that there isn't anything wrong with St. Nick, including Dr. Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family. "I wouldn't take that away from early childhood. My kids loved Santa."

While Dr. Borsellino agrees with Dobson that play and fantasy are a fun part of childhood, the main lesson parents should glean from Santa is to be "careful telling your kids anything that you'll have to un-tell them later."

Discovery Years (ages 4-7)

"What's on the inside is what matters."

The first time that Julia came home from middle school crying because her classmates ridiculed her about her "elephant-size" ears, her mother tried to comfort her by saying, "Sweetheart, it's what's on the inside that matters."

While this sounds like a good argument because what's on the inside does matter to God, the truth is that we in the United States have a beauty bias. And, according to Borsellino, "We lie [to our kids] when we don't face that."

What can a parent do when teens, especially girls, are demoralized by the world's message that you don't matter if you don't look like a movie star? While a parent does not want to emphasize outward appearances, Borsellino believes parents should teach kids to make the most of what God gave them. "If the barn door needs painting, paint it," he says. We should also eat healthy and exercise to take care of our bodies. Of course, making the most of our outward appearance should never be done at the expense of faith or character.

Tween Ages (ages 8-12)

"The best things in life are free."

When your children start to grow, it's natural for you to want to teach them to be grateful. You want them to value the little things in life, right? For this reason, just about every parent tells their kids, "The best things in life are free."

While this may sound good, the question is this: when is the last time you really valued something that was free? It's probably been a long time, or it may have never happened. The truth is that anything that is worth something costs something. It costs courage, dedication, money, sacrifice or relational commitment.

The college graduate who studied for years will tell you they value their diploma. The husband and wife who have worked their way out of a deep marital ditch will tell you that a healthy marriage isn't free. The young pastor who works two jobs to keep his congregation afloat will say that it costs dedication.

So you see, the truth is that the best things in life aren't free, and according to Dr. Borsellino, "Whatever you earn cheaply, you will also value to the same degree." No doubt, this is a great truth to teach your kids.

Teen Phases (ages 13-18)

"You can be anything you want to be."

When parents want to encourage their teens about finding a career they often say, "You can be anything you want to be." Is it a lie? Absolutely.

"The truth is, if you're 4'9," says Borsellino, "you can't play in the NBA."It is also true that we have more opportunities in the United States than just about anywhere else in the world, but no one can be whatever they want. A skilled engineer will probably go crazy trying to write a book, and an artist would most likely go bananas if she had to crunch numbers for a living. Yes, God has given everyone gifts, but no one has every gift.

Rather than tell kids they can be whatever they want, Dr. Borsellino suggests that parents ask themselves, "What kind of gifts and talents can I fertilize in my children?" In other words, how can I encourage growth of the particular gifts, talents and bents that God has placed in each of my children? Parents should also teach their kids to strive for excellence by doing their best with whatever skills and talents God has given them.

Most importantly, Borsellino wants his readers to know that the most dangerous lie is not one we tell our kids, but the one we tell ourselves. It's when we say, "I don’t matter." No doubt, this lie will rob parents who believe it of their ability to parent effectively.

The greatest proof that we do matter is the cross. Through Christ's act of unconditional love, God said, "You mean the world to me, even if the world says you don't matter." Not only is this one of the greatest truths that parents should embrace, but it's one they can share with their children, at any age or stage.

Copyright 2008 Shana Schutte. Used by permission.